omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
