dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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