my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
