he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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