Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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