No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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