In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
