pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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