he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
