in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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