dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
