if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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