why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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