Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
