Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
