I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
