My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
