About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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