There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
