Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
