oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
