i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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