I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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