I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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