Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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