I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
