Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
