You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
