Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
