i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
