Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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