We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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