I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
