HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
