god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
