he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
