He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
