You just made me feel so damn special
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
