We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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