Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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