hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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