I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
