Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
