WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
