my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
