I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
