I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
