One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
