i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A bitchslap is in order.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
