some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
