watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
