mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
